


Confessions to Fictional Characters

by Peachie_Veachie



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort/Angst, Diary/Journal, Other, Platonic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 17:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5937226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peachie_Veachie/pseuds/Peachie_Veachie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is something a little different ( & short ) ~ Purely dialogue between Dorian Pavus and a devote Dragon Age player. Wasn't sure how to tag it, or if I should even post it, it's super personal, but I took the plunge. May add additional chapters/entries if people seem interested. Don't judge me too hard 3:</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions to Fictional Characters

 

“Dorian….?”   
  
“Yes…?”   
  
“Am I crazy?”   
  
“Now why would you say a thing like that? You're not crazy, you're Peachie.”   
  
“That sounds like a Sera comment.”   
  
“I know - aren't you proud?”   
  
“Dorian.”   
  
“Yes yes - why do you feel as though you're slowly drifting into insanity?”   
  
“Well for one -this conversation. I’m a twenty five year old married woman who has a pretend relationship with a fictional character. I pretend we’re siblings sometimes.”   
  
“Thats sweet~”   
  
“No. . . its creepy. I’m creepy. Every day. Wake up, go to work, come home, avoid socializing. The only exception to this rule is my husband. I like to be alone. I love silence. I like reading, playing games, drawing, writing, just hanging out with myself and being a nerd. But occasionally - I need a pep talk. And sometimes, my husband just doesn't have the words I need to hear. So I assert my inner six year old, close my eyes, and pretend. Pretend  _ youre  _ here. My imaginary best friend, Dorian Pavus.”   
  
“Peach, you flatter me.”   
  
“You. . .  _ know _ me. You get why I don't really understand my father, you get my confusion about my sexuality and my relationship with my husband, you sympathise with my fear of people- my distrust in everyone. You get why I work so hard for almost no reward. You tell me that my issues with my body are ridiculous and that my husband is lucky to have me. You're not my sassy gay friend - you're my support system in a world where I don't quite understand how to function properly.”

“Let me inform you of something, and I want you to listen _very_ closely. It’s not me. I am only a catalyst that holds so much more then myself. You use me to tell yourself the hard stuff. I’m fine with that - use me. If my velvety voice is what it takes for you to believe in yourself and keep a cool head, May the Maker guide you. It’s why I’m here amicus. Your self esteem is higher then you may have imagined. You have more going for you then you think. I’m not the one helping you - you are.”   
  
“But…. I’m not strong enough in real life…. I want to do so many things, but I just - can't. I can have conversations with myself all day but that will never change the inevitable. I’m mediocre. I’m not amazing, but i'm not completely bad. I'm stuck in the middle.”   
  
“You're in your early twenties - you're still figuring your life out!”   
  
“I should already have it figured out!”   
  
“Just because your parents hold you to impossible standards does not mean that you are required to reach them. You are your own person. Take your life at your own pace. They will be there to support you in the end, regardless of how long it takes you.”   
  
“What about Milo?”   
  
“Milo - the little mage boy? What about him? You did a good job on him I think. You don’t write about him enough.”   
  
“Is he creepy?”   
  
“Honestly - do you listen to me when I talk? You did good on him. I like him, and i'm not the easiest to please.”   
  
“I want to be him. All this, gender dysmorphia crap makes my head hurt. I understand that I’ll never be my OC, I won't enter the world of Thedas and become Damon or Milo, or any of my other characters. I get that. But cross dressing scares me. I tried to make an outfit of you once for a convention -"  
  
"OOOh reeeaaaally? I'm flattered!"  
  
"oh stop it - anyway. . . I wanted to bind and have facial hair - the whole shebang. But when a friend in my con group saw me and laughed so hard his face turned red? Or when my close friends discuss cross dressing with me like they think its a phase - I can't do it. I get scared. My husband sort of gets it - but he married a woman. He wants a woman. I have no issue with that, but when my male side wants to present itself, I want to show that. and. . . I just look like a joke. Never mind what my family would think if they ever found out.”   
  
“You care incredibly too much about what others think of you. You - Peachie - you're your own human. If you want to bind and wander around town introducing yourself as Milo, the gender queer crossdresser - you do it! If you want to have a pretend relationship with a character you adore, because lets face it - I'm quite adoribull - to increase your self esteem - you do it! If you want to start that salon you've been dreaming of in Kentucky - ya know what? You can do that too! I will never fully understand why you hate yourself so much - so many people love you! You can do this. You’ll be fine.”   
  
“Dorian. . .”   
  
“Yes…?”   
  
“I love you.”   
  
“I know - now - back to Milo & Damon. . .when are we going to write about them again?"   


**Author's Note:**

> Thank You for reading my drabble ~ I have a tumblr where I post similar things & actual fiction on occasion ; )
> 
> http://peachiesncreame.tumblr.com/


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